Gracious Uncertainty

I seriously have not written on this blog in forever! But here I am again. Maybe it is because I do not know what to write because everything seems to be up in the air and i think the hardest part about all the change is that i realize it will never stop to a certain extent. My life will never look the same as in my years up to college and in college. there is a security there that is gone. and it is the oddest yet most freeing thing I have ever experienced. I have to avoid feeling like I am doing nothing at the moment. I just do not know where i should even be looking for a job and honestly it is hard to give myself slack because I feel like I should have more figured out then i do. I don't want to be married or anything of that nature but i have this adventure spark in me but I don't know where to place it in the scheme of things.... does it mean I need to move somewhere new or move to bozeman in a year etc etc.
my goodness sorry about that babble it just kind of came out and I am sure you will get to read more of it. But God is faithful and as so many church services ironically seem to be telling me....its small things. I keep feeling useless. But I know that is not a good attitude to have. But work is going well. It is so hard to start a new job, but I am somehow finding myself a month or more into the job and making money to live on and save. I am learning a lot about how much things cost, how many times I have to grocery shop and how much I like to get things on sale. Try saving 43% at safeway.....it is a real day booster. I am my mothers child after all! :) kales just got back from 6 weeks of adventures and is now working at tilikum with mares and her boyfriend chris. alexis is up in seattle getting her new car which needed some extra work done so she won't be back for a few more days. We all three have not all been here at the same time yet this summer! so that should be fun. pray that alexis can find a job here soon!!! she has not been able to find one. Also pray that we can find another roommate for the fall! It has been hard because about 3 or 4 women have dropped out on us! Anyways I that is some of the background from the summer thus far so that I can start writing on here more regularly! :) then everyone can know what is happening in the berg. mares is doing well too. tillikum is a lot of work, but she is learning a lot about being obedient to where God asks you to be and how that may not always look like how we initially expected. BUT we are both learning how to remember God's little blessings along the way because they can be so easily forgotten.
I love you all and I promise some stories about crazy happenings
peace
B

Summer '10

Well here it is. Summer. It has been too cold to even think it is summer here in Newberg though! It has been raining and really cloudy. This month so far has been FULL of adjustments. From moving in with 3 girls I hardly know... to starting to work with little kids everyday. It has been rough to say the least. I have been really struggling with balancing out my time between Tilikum people and Ryan and Bethany. It has been really hard on me. Tonight I am alone. Which is kind of nice. My roommates and I are doing well together. It is hard to just jump into people's lives and be forced to bond. Mainly because I have issues with opening up to people right away. Not my cup of tea. I really hope that my apartment gets close and that all of us enjoy living with each other. My roommate and I have not really clicked yet and that is rough on me. I feel like she will share her life with my other roommates but not me. I don't understand her and it frustrates me. Today was the first day of kids. It was pretty good so far! I have a group of 9 4th graders! They are so much fun! Abbie I share your love for the 4th grade! They are pretty dang cute! I went to the beach on a surprise date with Ryan this last weekend! We went to seaside! It was a lot of fun and I even got some sun! At the Oregon Coast!!! That is truly amazing! I am really exhausted tonight. I think that being around people non-stop can be draining... I miss home a lot. I miss family. I did not realize how much work it is to live on your own!!! Especially grocery shopping.... props to you mom. I love grocery shopping though! It is relaxing! Well it is until I see my bill at the end! Which people reassure me it is really not that much money... but I don't like to spend. But my little cupboard space is full of soup and cereal and bread and PB! It will last me :) I hope life is good for everyone. I miss you dearly. Please write me! Or e-mail me! Or text me! I don't have much time or spaces to talk on the phone. But I still want to hear from you!

I think this tops the charts everyone...as the weirdest week of ups and downs

I understand I have notwritten in about 3 months...i am terribly sorry. But that is what 18 credits, a social life, running and making sooo many coffee sleeves will do to a person. I literally cannot describe in words how up and down this week has been. Okay lets start with last tuesday shall we? alright. brief recap. fire alarms go off. evacuate buildings. happen to see cute, super nice canadian guy I have liked for awhile...oh wait he has his coffee mug he has asked me to make a sleeve for. boom. awesome. make said sleeve. happen to put my number in sleeve.....which I don't EVER do....so don't think this is an all the time thing. I am not going crazy at college. no worries everyone. so I sew my number on the inside. kinda clever. so I wait all day wednesday to give it to him. we have a no go on that front. then I finally get up the guts on thursday at lunch. wooot wooot. So afterwards i felt on top of the world because i had conquered a fear. then I try to put it out of my mind. But you all know me....do you think it was out of my mind? nope. never was. so I go about my business on friday. tapering. went to the empty bowls event for haiti (Awesome event idea in case anyone ever needs one....), then went to mr bruin and watched ryry do his dances and be ryry the science guy (mimicing bill nye the science guy) and jack be shaggy. hilarious. maybe there are videos I can post. enjoyable for all. so I am done with that and oh what do ya know there is a different number on my phone. except I had gotten a random call from a billings number earlier so i thought nothing of it. so I call it. turns out to be canadian bacon. woooo. yeah I was pretty excited about it. So he asked me to go swing dancing on sunday. Oh wait I forgot the part on friday where I got the offer to come in for an interview at nike for an entry level position. SOOOO swing dancing. funnsies. saturday roles around and we have our home track meet. 10k. epic fail. need I say more. BUT I will try another one in the next few weeks coming up here. saturday night....watch transformers. go to bed early. living the crazy life. sunday funday. wake up. no run. homework and applications and introductions for nike. go home. get ready for the night. kaley and I sit on the porch drinking ruby red squirt and diet root beer in goblet glasses. our neighbor lady makes convo with us about our pot. we continue waiting for canadian bacon. EXCEPT poor canadian bacon has had an extra long baseball game that last til about 5 or so. thus we left at 6:30 when lessons started at 7. and all you all know that I was sooo angry because I hate when plans are changed....thats a lie. Its all a part of the journey. so we head out and didn't get lost....which is impressive since I had the directions. went to the swing dance place, which was some freemasonry building...I don't know what that means, but they had a nice ballroom. the lessons were awesome. you travel around and it I had a ball. just meeting all sorts of people and oh my it was fun. and then the dance started and we just tried new swing moves and had people teach us things. I learned a lot actually and would totally go again! :) then came home to a house full of people because I was supposed to be helping out with the birthday sunday night that we had planned. i am a bad party planning committee member for not helping!!! But they would have been mad if i did not go on the date. so that is the way it goes I guess! so that was sunday funday for ya' all. then monday. went to the interview at nike and was riding on cloud 9 because i thought i did sooo well and i had just had a date the night before. what a great day. then tuesday. nah tuesday was just practicing for our senior business capstone presentation on wednesday and studying for a test that if I don't get a good grade on I am in the limbo of not passing.....so not stressful at all. BUT it was still a great day. very productive. still excited about the nike job. then comes along wednesday in all of its dawn until dusk working glory. so in class at 8:40 we practice presentations. then 10:30 get out. but we practice again. 11 eat lunch. final cram for 1130 finance test. 1230 go home to get super business-afied. 130 come back. more run throughs. 230 meet in the lecture hall. 3-7:45. present and listen. 8 come home and crash (yes I literally took a nap at 8 at night). 830 marketing group meeting. 830 find out nike has found a better candidate. 831 call mom and dad crying about it. 835 email the man to find out how I can do things better. 9 complete meeting. 901 try to search out jobs online. I don't really know why I had to write it all out. no one actually really cares. i think I am just sitting here flabbergasted at how many random things have happened this week. i am sure there are things that i am forgetting too. there is this car that just drove by that sounded like a UFO....just saying. it was like. weeeeeoooooooo weeeeeeooooooooo. but weirder. more like a firework mixed with an ambulance sound. aaah it keeps going up and down the street! are you serious people? ugh. sooo anyways. this is just my breakdown of the week and all of its glory. so I think today was when i hit my breaking point of not knowing where i am supposed to be or what I am even good at or capable of and how even though I may know parts of that i do not know where I should go from here. Oh but another positive.... Alan....the one I went and had the informational interview with? ring a bell? the one with the event place. he called his brother who then called ruth hargrove and apparently he found me very charming, which is ironic since I felt like I was a duddy pants that day. But he said he wishes he had a job for me. so I must have some sort of charisma. I hope those people email me back about nike. I just want to know. ya know? I get my hopes up way too high. Maybe it is being naive or maybe that is a good thing to strive for the best and expect it. because like kales said...when it does happen it will be that muchbetter. :) good thing I have such encouraging people around me. I can't imagine having no one to call. I know how much all of you are praying. I have been working on pride and realizing I have to know that not everything is going to go according to my little bethany plan. its hard. But I am growing up. which techniqueally I will be for the rest of my life. But there is a lot of changes happening as of right now and within the next two weeks and I am, to be honest, not sure how I am going to react and feel about it all. so I suppose more to come. I have once again blabbered on and on and on. meh. oh well.
OH AND LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU....IF YOU KEEP ASKING ME ABOUT CANADIAN BACON OVER GRADUATION I WILL IGNORE. you can ask. just not in large groups of people when I could get easily embarrassed. please and thank you. I am entrusting you with information on my dating life and I know you will handle the information with class....because you are all classy people. :)
love you all
peace.
B

Hello there!

We both have not written in awhile! My birthday is in 2 days! I definitely keep forgetting. :) I will be 20! whoa baby. The next few weeks are pretty stressful for Bethany and I. We both have a lot to get done before I finish my Sophomore year and she graduates!!! Wooot! I'm so excited to have everyone out here!!!!!!! That will be fantastic! So I won't really get to celebrate my birthday cuz I have a sign language presentation that day that I will be nervous for ALL day. But I think Jodi and I will go out to icecream after it so that will be nice! Ryan is gone on my birthday too, which makes me sad. He is an alternate for the Conference Track Meet in Spokane so he heads there on Thursday. I can't wait until I don't wake up in the morning think about what I need to get done. THANK YOU FOR THE PERFUME GRANDMA!!!! I love it and it smells like summer! :) yum yum yum. It has been super nice outside this last week! Bethany and Kaley made iced tea yesterday and sat on their porch! Perfect thing to do in the sunshine. I am still waiting on a model job. I should be going in this Friday to get my portfolio and talk to them a little bit and see what is happening. I just want to work! Tonight Bethany and I are going on a run then I have cooking lab! My last cooking lab of the year! We went to G&G's last Thursday! It was so much fun to see them and eat Grandma's delicious food! mmm! I better go because I have class soon but I will try to write more!

Where did the time go?!

So here I am. Back at school. Why do breaks always go so fast?! I was surprised at how much I did and how little time there was to spend time with people! 5 weeks left of school. woofta. Here are some prayer requests for the next 5 weeks.. 1) to be able to focus and finish strong... especially in accounting. For some reason that class is extremely difficult for me! I am so afraid of failing it! I just really do not like it!!! I have to work so much harder than everyone else! 2) for a few model jobs before summer. I was bummed that I had two castings in Portland while I was at home and I could not go to. Those are great opportunities! But being with family was waaaaay more important!
I already miss everybody! I wish we could have seen Grandma and Grandpa more. :( We will see them in a month though! (p.s. Ryan loved the happy birthday wishes over the phone! :) ) Bethany is graduating!!!! ah!!! Last night Ryan and I went over to B's house and we had french toast and hashbrowns with Kaley, Chris, and B! It was so much fun! It is raining here today! So weird to see rain and green grass everywhere after being in Montana! Yesterday I spent some time with Ryan's family before heading back to school! That was really fun and we watched basketball and his mom made chicken enchiladas! Ryan gets to be in a thing at school called Mr. Bruin which is a pageant for guys on campus! He does a dance with all the other candidates and does a talent too! He is going to do a science experiment on stage! He will do so well! I was so excited to see Jodi last night! I missed her over break! Well I better get ready for chapel!

"Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything." Philippians 4:6

Ho Hum

So today is Wednesday! That means only 8 more days of school til the caravan of students come to Montana! Can't Wait! There is something about spring that makes people go crazy! The sun is shining today and all I can focus on is... THE SUN SHINING TODAY! But soon enough the rain will start again and I will be okay! :) I have not had too much homework lately which is nice. I didn't do as well on an accounting test as I had hoped. I am slowly getting better though. It is just not my cup of tea I guess you would say. I got asked to live in a house on campus next year with some amazing girls! I am way excited! But my roommate this year is not going to live on campus so that it is going to be strange not living with her. I'm sorry Abbie about Zoë. I have been praying for her. I have been having a hard time getting in the word lately so I am trying to just do prayer request each day and spend time with God that way. I am working on reading everyday too it just gets hard to do some days. Nothing cool going on this weekend.... just working softball games. woo. I would not mind them if we just had to work one game but they are all double headers so it equals 4 hours or more of softball. Which is fun if you are playing... but not if you wish you were playing and not just sitting there keeping track of balls and strikes. I am trying to come up with a list of things I want to cook when I get home... here is what I have so far... feel free to add in things I forget!
1. spaghetti!
2. french toast
3. chicken enchiladas
4. little pizzas
5. cookies! any kind!
6. bake bread with g-ma!
7. maybe make noodles with Abbie! if she is not too busy!
The Blazer's game was AMAZING! I think Ryan kept forgetting that I have never been to a NBA game so I was in awe of everything the whole time! I thought it was one of the coolest things I have ever done! I just love basketball!!!!!!! The Blazer's killed the Pacer's but the lights and the dancers and the HUGE players were awesome. The Blazer's hit 100 points so we should have gotten free chalupas... but Ryan took a different exit to beat traffic annnnnd so we didn't get our chalupa tickets. :( but the funny thing was we didn't realize that we didn't get the tickets til we were in his car! Our basketball team is doing amazing again! surprise surprise! Well that is about all for now! Peace and love <3

MIA

Sorry I have been so missing in action this month! I have been extremely busy this semester. Between work, school, modeling, and relationships I have been feeling very stretched to the limit. Classes have been really difficult. Well not all classes actually. just accounting. It is really hard and very time consuming. I have a test in that class tomorrow so if you could be praying for me with that that would be fantastic. I can't wait to come home for spring break. I want to show Ryan all montana things! I know I won't have time to, but I think he will love montana! Valentine's day with him was really special :) He sent me on a scavenger hunt where at the end I found blazer tickets for a game on March 3rd! YAY! my first NBA game!!!!! I am very excited!!!!!!!! I would have to say my favorite part of his gift was the poem he wrote for me... here it is :)

Like Petals on a Sunflower

There are many different things that I love about you,
Your eyes, nose and your mouth,
These things that I love are
The petals of your sunflower.
I love the times that we laugh together,
Playing games, coloring, or folfing too,
These times vastly outnumber,
The countless petals on a sunflower.
I love to hold your hand,
And walk for hours.
Every detail of my love
Is a petal on a sunflower.
You are the sunflower of my life,
A joy beyond compare,
You brighten each and every day,
Like the petals on a sunflower.
I love you Mary,
Like you love the petals on a sunflower.

It is funny how the favorite part of a person's gift is the words they choose to write!
Today I have a lot of studying to do. blech. I am going running with Bee in 45 mins. then lunch, then studying! I am going to ask bethany if she wants to go to Gma and Gpa's tonight maybe. I think we should go and visit them. I love you and will write again soooooon!